Thinking aloud... Love

Love… it eludes you when you are neck deep in it and hovers around you when you want to shoo it away. There are instances in one’s life where one does not want love to be around, for reasons such as family responsibilities, education, career etc. Love is like a bad boy; it chases you until you give in and turns your world upside down. But then what a topsy turvy world it is! Its springtime all the time, at least at the outset :)then starts the fall and the winter crawls in, freezing your relationship. That’s how love has been with everyone around the world. Some of them make it through the winter; whereas, some wither away. Love is put to rest under the snowy cold exterior.

Knowing and experiencing all the seasons of love, I am not giving up on it. Since I have known Love, I have always had this unrelenting desire to find my soul mate. You may laugh at the thought that soul mates exist only in Paulo Coelho’s books but I think they do exist in real life too. You just have to search harder. The search is no walk in the park. There are dark alleys where you doubt if it leads to some place… any place! Then there are very well paved patches, which confuse you to think that you are a stone’s throw away from your destiny.

Just as things happen to you when you least expect it, it would happen to me too. And when it does I will know it. I may have made wrong choices, but those have made me the person that I am. All the mistakes that I have learnt from have only made me understand my soul mate better… yes, I know I will understand him better... Thanks to all those, I met en route.

Everything fades away...

The only relationship one should forever be in, is the one with yourself… everything else fades away…

The person, who meant the world to someone, becomes a part of that virtual world that will never exist! Everything said and done becomes a part of that history which will never be written. The name that lit up someone’s face, the smile and laughter that brought happiness, the touch that comforted, the shoulder that unburdened all the worries, the words that guided, the look which was longed for every time the eyes met, the noisy silences,  … is all swept away in the tsunami of differences/ circumstances, which can never be put to rest. All that remains is debris of a broken heart…

Be it between friends, lovers, siblings, etc. there comes a time when we need to continue our journey alone. Fellow travelers will most certainly be around, but we must not attach ourselves with them. Belonging to someone and yet remaining detached, is the life-skill one must learn if not owned. Some learn it by looking at others and some learn it the hard way.

It’s difficult to stay humble and hopeful after the tidal waves have retreated, but its not impossible. The fear always remains, but as they say, life goes on…

Expectations management!

So what are your expectations? That’s a very typical question every guy, I mean a prospective groom, asks me. It’s one of the toughest questions and trust me, I am still trying to figure out a perfect answer. When it comes to arranged marriage, it’s just like striking a business deal or an interview. My parents match the horoscopes, and the profiles. If everything fits then the boy and I meet. I find myself in a very awkward situation when he asks me that question.

 Most of the time, I find my way out of this by counter questioning. I ask him if he could specify what he means by expectations. To which most of them are interested in knowing whether I cook, do I have a career plan in place, do I have any liabilities, how much do I draw, am I religious, would I help his Ma in the kitchen, etc. These things have always made me feel like I have come for a job interview for ‘Mother’s helper’ position! I haven’t ever met a man who asked me about what do I expect from ‘us’ or ‘our life together’. If our parents look for the matching profiles and horoscopes, why can’t we focus on our lives? Our views, our passions, our life together…

 It puts me off when we start discussing careers… why cant he ask me what time do I come home from work because he would like me to be home before he does just to open the door for him. Why can’t he ask whether I have thought about taking a break when our child is born because he/ she will need one of us and that he would gladly be the provider for the family while I nurture it? Why cant he asks me about my passions and share his too, because he does not want to be in the 9 to 5, or 6 now, kind of job and wants to pursue his passions for which he must know how much would I support in pursuing them. Why can’t he ask me about my family and relatives because he wants to know whether I will be accommodating towards his and because our kids must have the grand parents around just as we had? Why can’t he ask me about my friends and tell me about his because he wants to know me better and thinks that eventually we must become each other’s best friends. Why can’t he ask me about my life until then because he understands that just as you are what you eat, your journey teaches you and makes you the person you have become?

 I haven’t found a single person who wants to find a partner, a friend or a companion for life… they all seem to be looking for their mother’s helpers… and that makes me look at them in their muddy shorts which their Mummys lovingly clean up!

 Hmmm… (sigh)…. Where have all the men gone :P

'Sicksth' Sense :P

I see dead people ….naah … not really… but what I mean is, I really do have a sixth sense! And it has forever been by my side … it actually warns me, but just like every brat doesn’t listen to its mother’s warnings, I don’t follow them! I wonder whether I shall call it the sixth sense or the ‘sick’ sense, coz many a times it gives me a sick feeling when something is going to happen… It’s a funny feeling… as if someone is churning all the digestive acids in my stomach and these may just erupt like a volcano! Now don’t ask me which ‘vent’ it prefers :P .... and that explains the spelling in the title.

I guess everyone has this intuition thing but the intensity varies. Now the sixth sense, according to me is a part of your conscience, and as they (whoever ‘they’ are!) say, your conscience is awake even when you are sleeping. So as I sneak into my bed, my 6th sense begins to dream wild (now don’t click on your corrupt files :P). It dreams of people I most dislike and it shows them doing things (no, not those things!) I am least concerned or connected with, I mean, the other day I dreamt of my boss arguing with his wife over the phone… and what are the chances that he was actually fighting with her standing right behind me! The 6th sense doesn’t stop here, it warns me in weird ways, it shows me worldly happenings in my dreams. Trust me, if I were to write them down in a book, it would be the next best seller after Prophecies of Nostradamus! Every Astrologer, I have met so far, (and yes there are many, thanks to my over-the-‘age’-single status) has told me that I must listen to my intuitions if I want to be happy!
Now if I take their advice seriously, I should actually forget changing my status from single to ‘double’ (not in terms of weight… that I am already :P) Coz my silly ‘sick’ sense has never ever dreamt about that ‘andekha anjana’… So I can never really sing ‘Mere Khwabon mein jo aaye’ like Kajol did in DDLJ!
But when I look back, it has in fact danced around with a ‘WARNING’ board in its hands every time it knew something or someone was wrong for me but I shoo it away … The next time it dances around… I will dance with it :)
Thank you Almight 1.. that’s a precious gift!
P.S. I do see dead people .... in my dreams... :P

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

My last post triggered an email trail among my friends. Each one of them discussing how one should move on … They all had their own perspectives, some naïve, some experienced, some sweet, and some bitter. Although we had different takes on breaking the habit, but we all shared a common thing and that was to help each other move ahead… look at the greener side and be merry.

We pulled each other’s legs, we passed sarcastic comments, we pacified each other, blamed ourselves and even scolded each other (yup, all of this happened over the same email trail! Talk of multi-tasking in office! :P) That’s what friends do. No matter how busy each of them is, they are always there. To argue, to support, to kick your butt when you throw attitude, to rechristen you with adjectives when you do not return their call, to demand your time and invade your personal space without being apologetic and above all love and accept you the way you are …
That is what friends do and that is why no matter how annoying they may get at times, no matter how bitterly they may fight, they stick with you through thick and thin.
I am blessed to have you all by my side in every step of my life… Meghna (Minu), Deven (Nanu), Swapnil (Sopya), Himali (Princess), Shobha (hmm … Need to have a name for you…), Mangesh (Mangya), and Santa (Santosh)… Please don’t expect me to thank you all … the feeling and the ‘pakau’ stuff we shared is all mutual :P Peace guys 
And yeah, remember what Bollywood says, Friendship mein no thank you no sorry :P

Breaking the habit!

Yeah, that’s not an easy thing to do… it takes determination to break a habit. There are some habits which can be easily given up and there are some that hold you back. Not because you can’t get rid of them, but because some where in your heart you don’t want to. Mostly people are habituated of things and we call them addictions, such as smoking, drinking, cocaine, etc. and some of us are addicted to a person!

Being addicted to a person is the worst of all kinds! It plays havoc on your mind. The more you try to ‘de-addict’ yourself you find yourself drawn all the more towards him/ her!

Here is what most of us do to de-addict; you change your routine or do something you’ve never done before and surprise people! Things go well for sometime, but then one fine day, you get a call, or in the cell and the net age, you get an sms or a ping! And just like quick sand, you are sucked back in! Everything you have done so far, all the time you have spent ‘trying’ not to think about him/her goes down in the mud!

It’s not really that impossible to ‘de-addict’ but you need help. You have rehabilitation centre to help you through an addiction, but when the addiction is of a person, the best help is the addiction himself/ herself. Only they can help you overcome, they can help you cope, they can help you move on… by never looking back! Well, it’s true that they cannot be entirely blamed. The addicted too can do his/her bit by being strong, by weighing how he/she can do better things in life…work harder to get where they want, get famous, have gadgets, fall in love, be loved, be happy, be a better person, make a difference… All they need is to look at themselves as a person who has a lot to give to many people who need them… and all they have to do is break the habit!

My Girl :)

It’s this coffee colored fur ball that has suddenly become the center of my attention these days. She is usually very playful and loves to cuddle up in my arms. None of her siblings are ever so close to me but she is. The siblings are only interested in the biscuits that we get for them.

My girl is quite a gluttonous pup! A few days ago, I wanted to take her to her Doc for a check up. She was eating something when I tried to lift her. Boy was she upset! She growled as if to warn me not to disturb her from her meal. In the mean while her sibling, Lizzie (we call her that coz she is lazy and loves it when I scratch her, she looks adorably silly then :)), came up to her; to my surprise my girl barked at her! It was like putting up the sign loud and clear, ‘do not disturb while I am eating and I am certainly not sharing it with you!’ All the while that she was enjoying her sumptuous meal, I played with Lizzie and watched her. Once done, she came to me and started licking my feet and looked at me. When she does that, I can’t help but take her in my arms. Something about those cute puppy eyes!
She was hurt last week, when my friend and I took her to the doctor. She responded well to the treatment and I went to Pune and my friend to Bangalore, with a little less worry. But today her Doc diagnosed her with Distemper, its one of the dreaded diseases and it happens to the puppies in the first year. He said there is little hope. But I am not giving up on her. She may not be my family, or my daughter for that. But the feeling I had when she first came running to me can only be compared to the way I felt when I cradled my cousin Piyu… very maternal kind of feeling :)  So how can I just forget about this little girl who may not speak in words but her eyes speak volumes! She may not grab my dupatta like she used to but now she quietly walks away as I see her off. May be she understands that I need to take care of my other responsibilities.
My brother, Swapnil, searched on the net and informed me that Distemper can be cured. I read those articles too and I am quite hopeful that she will be cured.
I love you very much my little one… I wont give up on you. You are the best thing to have happened to me in a long time. I will be there by your side. I promise… You will be alright... :) After all you haven't told me which name you like the most... Is it... Lisa? Kiara? Choco? Shona? ummmm... or Megan? Or Mitzi as Himali would like or as Maggie that Swapnil would like? I like Megan ... Or how about Buttercup?  Did I hear a bark? :P
God bless you, my little wild one :)