So what are your expectations? That’s a very typical question every guy, I mean a prospective groom, asks me. It’s one of the toughest questions and trust me, I am still trying to figure out a perfect answer. When it comes to arranged marriage, it’s just like striking a business deal or an interview. My parents match the horoscopes, and the profiles. If everything fits then the boy and I meet. I find myself in a very awkward situation when he asks me that question.
Most of the time, I find my way out of this by counter questioning. I ask him if he could specify what he means by expectations. To which most of them are interested in knowing whether I cook, do I have a career plan in place, do I have any liabilities, how much do I draw, am I religious, would I help his Ma in the kitchen, etc. These things have always made me feel like I have come for a job interview for ‘Mother’s helper’ position! I haven’t ever met a man who asked me about what do I expect from ‘us’ or ‘our life together’. If our parents look for the matching profiles and horoscopes, why can’t we focus on our lives? Our views, our passions, our life together…
It puts me off when we start discussing careers… why cant he ask me what time do I come home from work because he would like me to be home before he does just to open the door for him. Why can’t he ask whether I have thought about taking a break when our child is born because he/ she will need one of us and that he would gladly be the provider for the family while I nurture it? Why cant he asks me about my passions and share his too, because he does not want to be in the 9 to 5, or 6 now, kind of job and wants to pursue his passions for which he must know how much would I support in pursuing them. Why can’t he ask me about my family and relatives because he wants to know whether I will be accommodating towards his and because our kids must have the grand parents around just as we had? Why can’t he ask me about my friends and tell me about his because he wants to know me better and thinks that eventually we must become each other’s best friends. Why can’t he ask me about my life until then because he understands that just as you are what you eat, your journey teaches you and makes you the person you have become?
I haven’t found a single person who wants to find a partner, a friend or a companion for life… they all seem to be looking for their mother’s helpers… and that makes me look at them in their muddy shorts which their Mummys lovingly clean up!
Hmmm… (sigh)…. Where have all the men gone :P
Hmm..
ReplyDeleteTell me why ....why ...why....
Haar kisi "Why" and "Kayku" ka life mein jawab nahi hota.
See sonu as you have all the why's as a third person i feel threatened too if that gal whom i dont know never met, comes to my house and gets my house on fire(not literally).
As most of gals nowadays are career oriented yes they do exists in large nos just to say soo.
Yes and i dont fear even some female activists come running with morcha towards me, trust me every1 is hypocrite(ignore my spelling mistake).
They something which they themselves dont follow so its good that you declared urself as to become a housewife.
We should not be discussing career in this instead get to know the person but sadly our maharashtrian setup doesnt allow us to open up and chat freely with our would be partners.
Please guys remember do u want a woman or a money minting asset?sorry no pun intended.
Marriage is union of hearts and not career and bank balance.
Its not just the maharashtrian set up Swapnil, but expectations on a woman have just piled up.With the increase in the living standards the focus has shifted from a life partner to a loan partner. Don't know if you remember, but a guy I met had clearly told me that I must work for 10 years coz he had a home loan! I must appreciate one thing that men are quite honest about this one thing, don't know if they'll own up every other aspect of life...even if you meet someone for the first time, I do not find it right to get down straight to business before I have developed some rapport with that person. Gone are the days when girls were shy... they open up ..sometimes proactively... any way the search continues...
ReplyDeleteWell sonali..i agree...
ReplyDeleteirony of the situation here is that these same guys who you think are looking for someone who can be their mother's helper send their very mothers to the nearest old age home as soon as their wives pout!! they do not look for their mother's helper. they look for a helper for their own petty selves. if you can cook & clean for his mother, he wont be wrongly guessing of you doing the same & more for himself.. Ma to sirf bahana hai..;)
and dont restrict this to an arrange mode of marriage. do you think all love marriages are selfless or based on mutual love & caring? no. majority of them are based on 1.good looks 2.good looks 3.good looks.
call me extremist but thats true. very very few of them are actually based on how well they know each other...
as compared to that, this business deal seems better doesnt it? atleast you can say no if you cant have clauses that you want in the agreement.
sometimes people just have to get married & put up with it cause 'everyone knew we were going around'..not a pleasant reason to tie the knot!
atleast here you get to discuss your expectations (yes they can be too weird sometimes but at least you can laugh at them & move on)..you cant be taken for granted...that on the other side is The Rule in love..
so fret not my dear friend...soon you will find the guy who would ask you all the right questions..only downside is that you would be so stunned you might not answer any of them.. :)
Hope that day comes sooner... I want to be dumb struck for once, instead of getting in the argumentative mode :)
ReplyDeleteWell, yes love marriages are no different in these aspects either. The poor Ma is always used as an excuse for everything! Be it for marriage or to break one! In this quest of finding a life partner, the very reason of 'life and love' is lost!