Mala Sasu Havi (I want a Mother in-law - Literal translation)

No no ... This isn’t about that Marathi serial on TV nor is it a demand or a request for proposals ... It’s about a family member I miss the most … My Mother In-law :)


As I was about to get married many of my friends told me I was lucky to not have one ... I wasn’t sure whether to rejoice or lament … I chose the third option … ignore ;)

I definitely don’t mean to demean or mock them, for I have heard all of their experiences … good, bad and ugly … But after a year and a month into my marriage I have started to miss the relationship that I have the misfortune of never experiencing. Well, here I am, the only woman in my family surrounded by the best men … my loving and ever- patient husband and an extremely supporting and jovial father in-law ... and of course my pets too … (yeah they too are men ;)) Simba and Shalom … But I still miss her and wonder how it would be, had she been with us today …

Would we be friendly with each other … and joke and laugh about little things? Share recipes, learning new techniques, go shopping and gossip over a cup of coffee? OR would there be a clash of titans just like the Saas – bahu sagas on T.V.? What I regret the most is I would never be able to hear the stories that only a mother can share about her son … I would never know how Chinmay was as a baby … would he keep her up, what were his favourite stories, did she sing him a lullaby, which one was it, what made him smile or cry as a baby, how was his first day at school, his awkward years what fascinated or repelled him … what made him the man he is today … Of course Chinmay does share a lot of his stories with me but there always are certain stories that only a mother would remember and can share with her Daughter in-law …

I know she loved animals as much as I do and had a large circle of friends with whom she would go for movies at times; would she introduce me to her circle of friends and include me in their movie outings? I know she was an excellent cook; would she share her secret recipes? I also know she was a strong woman who wouldn’t take no for an answer … she was a fighter …. Would she support and stand by me in the decisions I take as a woman …Well, I will never know …

All that talk of equality and being friends with your husband is ok, but a woman can definitely understand a woman better … Just as they say that the worst enemy of a woman is a woman herself, so is she your confidante… when you are new to the house, her presence makes you comfortable, she is the link between you and the other relatives. She introduces you to the family traditions than some close Aunty informing (read: lecturing) those when you already have committed a blunder! She helps you drape the sari perfectly so you can look your best for whatever the occasion and she doesn’t boast about it. Every time she looks at you she reminds herself of how she was as a new bride and does everything to put you at ease. And of course, she also comforts you in “those days” … :)

She can actually see a lot of things that the men in the house tend to overlook … I have seen a lot of mother in laws and I hoped to have one … rather the thought that I don’t want one or didn’t want one or shouldn’t have one never crossed my mind… every time I pictured my life after marriage, I would have the whole bunch next to me, just like the Hum Saath Saath Hain type of movies. I have seen my grandmothers, my mother & aunt in the role of a mother in law and I have always wanted to have one. She is a staunch support because she sees things from a woman’s perspective. Some of you may differ saying there is always a comparison of “during their times” and these days, they may crib and complaint but they take everything in their stride. What wrong is it if the mother in law expects the house or the kitchen to run in a certain way? She has lived her life there, can we as “new entrants” first understand their ways, see if it matches ours and if it doesn’t suit ours speak to her just as we speak to our Ma …

Dear Daughters in law,

She is after all your husband’s mother; she has trusted you with her son. Trust her and see how beautiful the relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law can become.

Can you not trust & open up? Think about it woman … and Thank God if you have one …. I miss mine :)

A Second Chance ...

Many of us while giving away what comes free … advice … say this “Life does not give you a second chance”. But we all secretly wish it does… for any reason … it could be for that most coveted job interview, for that one rock concert you wanted to attend but couldn’t, for that exam in which you fell short of writing that one answer, for the hurt you caused someone that you wish to heal, for pleading one more time to your parents to see things your way, for that incomplete relationship that you have forever longed to complete …

Many a times life does give you a second chance, but we are so blinded by our ego, our past, our image in the social circles that we turn a blind eye to every sign that says here’s your chance … make the most of it! Even if you want to contemplate that second chance you waste too much time dipping the scales that you either lose momentum or you conclude that it’s just not worth it!! But then again, how would you know if it is worth it or not if you don’t give it a shot? What’s the worst that could happen….? Your life would not change the way you expected … and that’s the fear we all live in. How easily we forget all the little risks that we take in our day to day lives … going to work in crowded trains and buses, investing our hard earned money by trusting a stranger from the bank to invest them properly, by quitting your job to pursue what you really think is your calling, from moving to different cities … isn’t life itself about these little risks we take?

When it comes to relationships it’s a funny game … many a times it’s from everyone involved and sometimes only a one sided affair. They say reel life imitates real life. Karan Johar’s movies especially talk of a lot of expression of love, forgiveness and togetherness. I wonder how these characters muster up the courage to speak, no wait, pour their hearts out to that person who means the world to them. I wonder if real life can ever imitate that! There must be few optimistic people, who do take that chance, I’m sure they do … and make the most of it! Even if it doesn’t work out they are content in knowing they gave it their best shot and smile …

This reminds me the movie, The Runaway Bride, where Ike (Richard Gere) knowing Maggie’s (Julia Roberts) history of being the runway bride proposes her. She eventually doesn’t treat him any different than the earlier grooms; however, once she realizes that he is the one for her she chooses those very words to take that second chance and says, “Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.” With a proposal like that, who would not want to give it a second thought?

Of all my favourite artists, I have always found Michael Jackson to be the one who knows best how to put his point across very well and here I am going to make you listen to his songs …. One More Chance …

This is what he sings ..

This time gonna do my best to make it right
Can't go on without you by my side
Hold on
Shelter come and rescue me out of this storm
And out of this cold I need someone
Oh why oh why why why
If you see her
tell her this from me
All I need is
One more chance at love

Give it a sincere listen and take that chance …. :) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQcfGWo3GSI&feature=player_embedded

Her First Valentines ... :)

It was just another January morning as she got down from the train at the station with her friends to go to college. After the regular See ya Laters” with her friends from other colleges she proceeded on to hers with her suburban friend. She was a crazy fan of pop-music and needless to add crazier for the King Of Pop. She even wore her MJ t-shirt to college. She knew people noticed her when she wore that t-shirt but little did she know that it would also become the reason she would meet her first love!


They had seen each other before but she never gave him a second look or a second thought because she knew he was out of her league… he was handsome! Nevertheless, on that January day she wore the same shirt and he noticed her… He followed her all the way till her college with one of his batch mates as they laughed and mocked at her MJ t-shirt. Unsure because of the traffic noise around, she sensed someone following her… she thought of him but she knew she wasn’t one of those good looking girls for a boy to chase. But as fate had thought it differently than her, she turned around to see him and was pleasantly surprised :)

This became sort of a routine since that day and she too would look around for him at the station, in the college, near his class, at the college hang-out… well, almost everywhere! She liked the attention that she received from the boy who she thought was the most handsome she’d seen. What added life to her dull existence was the fact that she was the focus of his attention despite all the other pretty girls in college who would do anything to hang around a senior! A couple of weeks passed this way until one day a sweet misunderstanding gave the boy the courage to approach her and ask her if they could be friends…

She hesitated a bit but inside her was something that also wanted to know more about this boy. The routine then changed to the stolen glances, sweet smiles and changing schedules… yes he did … he used to change his schedules just to match her class timings …

There was something familiar about him because she was herself surprised at the ease she felt with this stranger like she felt with no one before … not even with an acquaintance! Now she too felt like she was one of the pretty looking girls from her college who was worthy of a man’s love! The void left by her grandma’s death was easily filled with the boy’s attention and love… but being a typical Libran she started dipping her scales of ‘May-bes’ and ‘May-not-bes’ until one fine day just as unexpectedly, as he came in her life, he popped the question. She wanted to smile and say ‘Yes!’ but she held back because she didn’t want to take the plunge and change her plans … she just wasn’t ready! But that inner voice didn’t let her stay put and just a week before Valentines she knew she had met the boy she was going to marry someday … Her life was never the same again … :)

They later separated for the reasons known best to them but every Valentines Day she remembers what her first Valentine card said …

“Sometimes sentimental words are very hard to say…
And that’s why I appreciate occasions like today,
For it’s a chance to tell you, what you surely know is true …
That no one could love anyone more than I Love you!"

That's My Boy!

We met on a rainy August evening at a Coffee Day near my cousin’s house and I knew there was something about him that said he belonged to me. He was all by himself and so was I… lost in our own worlds. We both needed a companion, that strong love on which we can rely and those arms that we can break into every evening as we came home to each other. I guess those were the reasons we bonded instantly. Something in those eyes told me that this time its forever…

But as history repeats itself, this time too my parents weren’t too keen on this boy in my life and it tore my heart to think of letting him go and I stood by him. This time, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. .. And if I did... I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life. After heated debates and discussions, about our different lifestyles, tastes, and culture we decided to part ways and only visit each other on occasions. But destiny was in our favour this time around and we were back together, thanks to my brother! It was a pleasant surprise watching Swapnil bring him home for me … :)
Over the time my parents too have warmed up to him.

Although we meet each other on weekends, Swapnil and my handsome have bonded very well. They keep each other good company while I am away in Mumbai. He is an explorer like I was as a child. He loves curling up in my lap just like I used to in my Aaji’s (grandma) as a toddler.
It’s been 6 months now and each time we meet it’s like the first time.
Now, he’s sitting on the sofa watching me with those intense eyes that seem to say “have we met before” … Not his fault really as we are cities apart and I hardly spend time with him. And now as I sit down to write about him on my laptop he hovers around to sniff the fragrance that he can identify me with, after all he is named after my faourite perfume… He looks very handsome when he looks at me that way … and I can’t help falling for this handsome boy all over again :)
As he watches me I toss a ball at him, and he fetches the ball back to me as I call him out … Hugo!

That’s my handsome tomcat … Hugo! What were you thinking? :) 

Thinking aloud... Love

Love… it eludes you when you are neck deep in it and hovers around you when you want to shoo it away. There are instances in one’s life where one does not want love to be around, for reasons such as family responsibilities, education, career etc. Love is like a bad boy; it chases you until you give in and turns your world upside down. But then what a topsy turvy world it is! Its springtime all the time, at least at the outset :)then starts the fall and the winter crawls in, freezing your relationship. That’s how love has been with everyone around the world. Some of them make it through the winter; whereas, some wither away. Love is put to rest under the snowy cold exterior.

Knowing and experiencing all the seasons of love, I am not giving up on it. Since I have known Love, I have always had this unrelenting desire to find my soul mate. You may laugh at the thought that soul mates exist only in Paulo Coelho’s books but I think they do exist in real life too. You just have to search harder. The search is no walk in the park. There are dark alleys where you doubt if it leads to some place… any place! Then there are very well paved patches, which confuse you to think that you are a stone’s throw away from your destiny.

Just as things happen to you when you least expect it, it would happen to me too. And when it does I will know it. I may have made wrong choices, but those have made me the person that I am. All the mistakes that I have learnt from have only made me understand my soul mate better… yes, I know I will understand him better... Thanks to all those, I met en route.

Everything fades away...

The only relationship one should forever be in, is the one with yourself… everything else fades away…

The person, who meant the world to someone, becomes a part of that virtual world that will never exist! Everything said and done becomes a part of that history which will never be written. The name that lit up someone’s face, the smile and laughter that brought happiness, the touch that comforted, the shoulder that unburdened all the worries, the words that guided, the look which was longed for every time the eyes met, the noisy silences,  … is all swept away in the tsunami of differences/ circumstances, which can never be put to rest. All that remains is debris of a broken heart…

Be it between friends, lovers, siblings, etc. there comes a time when we need to continue our journey alone. Fellow travelers will most certainly be around, but we must not attach ourselves with them. Belonging to someone and yet remaining detached, is the life-skill one must learn if not owned. Some learn it by looking at others and some learn it the hard way.

It’s difficult to stay humble and hopeful after the tidal waves have retreated, but its not impossible. The fear always remains, but as they say, life goes on…