Dear Bride-to-be

He came to see me off this time again just as he did last time. Same purpose, same time, same station … but something had changed for good … we were married now … J

I always remind myself how stupid it would have been had I decided to remain single. I would have missed something so solid, so dependable and a world brimming full of love and trust that I have never experienced before.  It is great to be married.

So this is a note to some of those like me going through the mundane routine of finding their Prince Charming. Yes, being a woman’s blog, the thoughts and experiences will obviously be woman centered … any man reading this is welcome to share their views in the comments section J

Recently I had an opportunity to look at the match making routine from a 3^rd person’s perspective and I realized how biased we can be. Biased towards everything we come across in a Man’s “Biodata”. Now Fonow woman defer your judgment until I complete. I know the men do that too but we don’t discount them either.

 The first and foremost thing you see is his looks.” Oh my god he is so gora (fair complexion) … I’m sure he must want a gori … “OR “Look at him, he is no fair and handsome but he wants a fair complexioned woman … I’m sure he wants fair kids … I hope they look straight out of UCB ads  ... (Giggle)”  “Hehehe look at him … a wannabe model ...”

Second place come his qualifications, if he is well qualified, he is either a bookworm, a workaholic or simply BORING. If he is a graduate, he is just a graduate! So below your standards!

Third would be his salary, if it’s higher than us, it’s desirable. The story doesn’t end here, dare he mention the expected salary of his would be bride, He is either cheap or a dowry seeker or looking for a golden egg laying hen! If it’s lesser, he isn’t one of those performing employees! Then comes family background, likes and dislikes expectations from the marriage, etc. etc. The list is endless and yes it’s also subjective to every bride to be … J

Honestly, I have done that too, sometimes as a defense mechanism and sometimes out of sheer disinterest.  Well, who is to blame either the boy or the girl because we have grown up looking at everything so objectively, that we forget to notice we are not a Company’s shares and hence there is more to every boy and every girl … more than just a face value.

When I met my husband for the first time at that Café, I too went with preconceived notions as you all do today.  Hence expected to spend no more than 30 minutes, and then just as absorbed I was in my own world, unknowingly in the next 90 minutes we became a part of each other’s world … Something clicked! Yes it did! We clicked! J

No matter what they tell you it happens. Your parents may try to talk you out of it but it does … that click … J When you are least expecting it. This may sound totally filmy to you but take a good look at your life and you will realize that all those good things that have happened to you were never planned... they just happened to you when you least expected J

Credit your parents for putting you on to such a dating spree that helps you meet all the wrong ones before Mr. Right comes along. Look at every boy you meet like a new book you are browsing through… you never know... that book could just be for you to keep … J

Here is a scene from my all-time favorite movie, Hitch... No matter where, no matter when, no matter who ... Every guy has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet ... just needs the right broom ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzixdS-qWn8

 

 

Mala Sasu Havi (I want a Mother in-law - Literal translation)

No no ... This isn’t about that Marathi serial on TV nor is it a demand or a request for proposals ... It’s about a family member I miss the most … My Mother In-law :)


As I was about to get married many of my friends told me I was lucky to not have one ... I wasn’t sure whether to rejoice or lament … I chose the third option … ignore ;)

I definitely don’t mean to demean or mock them, for I have heard all of their experiences … good, bad and ugly … But after a year and a month into my marriage I have started to miss the relationship that I have the misfortune of never experiencing. Well, here I am, the only woman in my family surrounded by the best men … my loving and ever- patient husband and an extremely supporting and jovial father in-law ... and of course my pets too … (yeah they too are men ;)) Simba and Shalom … But I still miss her and wonder how it would be, had she been with us today …

Would we be friendly with each other … and joke and laugh about little things? Share recipes, learning new techniques, go shopping and gossip over a cup of coffee? OR would there be a clash of titans just like the Saas – bahu sagas on T.V.? What I regret the most is I would never be able to hear the stories that only a mother can share about her son … I would never know how Chinmay was as a baby … would he keep her up, what were his favourite stories, did she sing him a lullaby, which one was it, what made him smile or cry as a baby, how was his first day at school, his awkward years what fascinated or repelled him … what made him the man he is today … Of course Chinmay does share a lot of his stories with me but there always are certain stories that only a mother would remember and can share with her Daughter in-law …

I know she loved animals as much as I do and had a large circle of friends with whom she would go for movies at times; would she introduce me to her circle of friends and include me in their movie outings? I know she was an excellent cook; would she share her secret recipes? I also know she was a strong woman who wouldn’t take no for an answer … she was a fighter …. Would she support and stand by me in the decisions I take as a woman …Well, I will never know …

All that talk of equality and being friends with your husband is ok, but a woman can definitely understand a woman better … Just as they say that the worst enemy of a woman is a woman herself, so is she your confidante… when you are new to the house, her presence makes you comfortable, she is the link between you and the other relatives. She introduces you to the family traditions than some close Aunty informing (read: lecturing) those when you already have committed a blunder! She helps you drape the sari perfectly so you can look your best for whatever the occasion and she doesn’t boast about it. Every time she looks at you she reminds herself of how she was as a new bride and does everything to put you at ease. And of course, she also comforts you in “those days” … :)

She can actually see a lot of things that the men in the house tend to overlook … I have seen a lot of mother in laws and I hoped to have one … rather the thought that I don’t want one or didn’t want one or shouldn’t have one never crossed my mind… every time I pictured my life after marriage, I would have the whole bunch next to me, just like the Hum Saath Saath Hain type of movies. I have seen my grandmothers, my mother & aunt in the role of a mother in law and I have always wanted to have one. She is a staunch support because she sees things from a woman’s perspective. Some of you may differ saying there is always a comparison of “during their times” and these days, they may crib and complaint but they take everything in their stride. What wrong is it if the mother in law expects the house or the kitchen to run in a certain way? She has lived her life there, can we as “new entrants” first understand their ways, see if it matches ours and if it doesn’t suit ours speak to her just as we speak to our Ma …

Dear Daughters in law,

She is after all your husband’s mother; she has trusted you with her son. Trust her and see how beautiful the relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law can become.

Can you not trust & open up? Think about it woman … and Thank God if you have one …. I miss mine :)

Questions Galore ...

Since the day I’ve been hitched everyone’s asking me this one question, “So … does life change after getting engaged?”  Now if the question comes from a bachelor or a bachelorette, I can definitely give a first person account of how and what. But what bowls me over is when a very married person asks me this question! I try to look deep in their eyes and facial expressions to decipher whether this was rhetorical or are they actually looking for an answer. But my efforts are futile as they wear a vacant expression and the otherwise expressive eyes bear a faraway look!

To answer that question once and for all AND to all … married or otherwise … Yes, life does take a somersault :) You smile more often than before and the reason … is him :) You suddenly look different and others also notice this pleasant change in you :) Every song you’ve had in your play-list become dedications and they are all for one special person, rather it feels that all those songs were written keeping the two of you in mind, and although you feel foolish for thinking so, you find it hopelessly romantic! :) You want to spend every waking moment with each other and make every “bahana” (excuse) to catch up after work. He joins you for a very early morning walk and surprises his folks at home coz he never wakes up before the sun comes knocking on the window!

Now for anyone who has been there done that must be smiling to themselves thinking of those wonderful days! The days when he comes just to drop you home to spend those extra 30 mins with you! He comes to see you off when you are going away for a business assignment, not that you’ve never travelled alone but now you will always have him as your chaperone! Everything that you do is somehow because of him. You are free to think that all this sounds like a college kid fallen in love for the first time … well then how exactly do you describe being head over heels for that special someone…? :)

The other question that pops up is whether it’s a love or an arranged marriage. And shamelessly people show their disappointment at the mention of an arranged marriage! Does it have to be a love marriage for the couple to be interesting or fun loving for that matter? How we easily forget that we girls have forever fantasized just as Kajol did about the “Andekha Anjana” who will woo us in his own sweet and naughty ways? In fact the romance, the mystery and the love only grows with each passing day in an arranged set up. The getting to know each other process starts only once you are formally engaged and then begins an affair of a lifetime …  full of sweet surprises,  of a whole lot of first times, of stolen exchanges, of the unlimited miss you moments and  never ending I love yous … :)

And yes, it’s not always this rosy. There are moments when you are surprised or shocked too in this getting to know process. You may have had a different picture of your beloved but he or she may have traits which may be different than anyone you’ve known so far, but you learn to love and live with those too … and I cannot find a better way to put it but in my fiance’s very own words … “There is nothing that I didn’t like about you so far, it’s just that I haven’t met anyone from a such a vivid circle of life but just as you said .. I’ll get used to it :)” 

This brings me to all the questions that we two have in our minds. How will she/ he be? Will we be compatible just as we look we are today? Will we continue to have this kind of understanding in the future? Will we be able to make up after our fights and if so, how? Will we keep each other and our families happy? Will this frankness & friendship we have today change our equation once we are married? Will all our friends who warn us of frustrating times be right about those? Will we make it through all the trials, turbulence, fear & frustrations that life throws at us? Will we rejuvenate our love in all the joy, laughter and happiness? The questions in our minds are endless and each day unfolds an answer to these questions …  

Just as the questions pop up, we turn another page of the story … :)

Please read the instructions carefully!

An astrologer asked my mother to warn me about the boy I'm going to marry! Warn... yeah .. warn! He warned me that I should take good care of him because he is a simple guy..."Saadhaa aani Saral" as we say in Marathi. That warning kind of irritated me. From the moment that things have clicked between me and him, everyone has been warning me about this... Reason: I am too 'bold' and 'forward' than he is!
Now, I've met him only 4 times out of which, 2 times with both of our family members surrounding us. If I couldn't, I wonder, how could everyone figure how "Saadhaa" he really is???

My Aai's (mother's) instructions top the list! "Don't do this, don't do that. Don't say this else he would think you are too modern. Don't wear those clothes, he wouldn't appreciate them. Touch elder's feet & seek blessings, to show them respect, this way you'll earn some brownie points (as per Indian standards)." Last one but the worst of all... "Unless you are formally engaged don't hang out too much! You shouldn't even sms him often, else you'll be termed too "desperate" and he would lose all "interest"!!"
Trust me there is no dearth of instructions once you get hitched in an arranged marriage set up.

I am not myself, if I don't speak my mind. I am not myself, if I don't wear a certain kind of clothes I have been comfortable in. I am not myself, if I don't choose whom and how to show respect.

In an age where our parents bring us girls up just as they bring our brothers up, how fair is it then to mould her into the cast she was always a misfit in? It really makes me want to question all Indian men, do they want a wife who is such a puppet? Or would they prefer to let her be herself and respect her for who she is? If the men can have their way, why can't women?
Do not mistake my thoughts to be any different than your sister's or your girlfriends', I am sure they would agree when I say that girls in India, no matter how educated the family, are brought up with a mindset that they have to leave their father's house. Its like they are trained in their father's house and the In-laws' house is where they are put to test, failing which, the mother is blamed for a lousy job done!

Who says life doesn't come with instructions... just get hitched ... the instructions manual will be delivered at your doorstep!


P.S.: I got all my questions, answered! ... Thankfully, there is NO change request! 
Thanks Chinmay... I couldn't have found a better match than you! :)

The Ex-Men!

Yes, you must have guessed what this one is about... Our Ex-men or women... a.k.a. ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Being a woman I will certainly target the opposite sex. Criticism is welcome :)

Recently I've been nursing a broken heart... a friend's to make it clear (don't get any wrong notions ;)) and our conversation is what triggered this post... 

There are all kinds of Ex-es... but the ones I have come across in my circle of friends are 3 kinds :

1. The ones who live & let live, once everything between you two is over.

2. The ones who can be friends after both have moved on

3. The ones who cant live with you but can’t live without you either.

With the first kinds, the rules are set and they honour those rules! There is an unspoken agreement where neither of the partners pop -up like a jack in the box. No surprises, no stalking on the social networking sites or otherwise... :) You can actually start a new life without any blast from the past. 

The second types are the kinds you probably have been friends with. They too give you the required space and you both know that you will continue to like and respect each other and be there for each other too ... only with a different equation than before. Again, this is like sitting on a bomb, unless, you are very sure that your ex is not like 'Ross Geller' who was always truly, madly and deeply in love and you fail to see him hurt every time you go out with a new date! 

The third types are the worst of all... they break all the promises given to you ... that's why they break up with you thinking they just didn't see you "that" way. You separate graciously wishing them good luck.  You are full of bright hopes of a colourful life ahead and thank God, that things with this one didn't work because then life would circle around him all the time. Not that you wouldn't like it to, but that would exhaust you like a donkey after a hard days work! Well yeah a "donkey" ... Remember how they say... Love is blind, deaf and dumb ... it makes you just that when you put your partners needs before yours ... :) So lets call this kind the "third man", shall we?

A few months pass and you move on in your life. The third man too is busy with his life and moved on; at least that's what you hope. Little do you ever think that all this while he has been soul searching and in a deep end of his soul filled with his own wants & worries, he realises that you have always been the ray of hope through his darkest hour and his biggest fan when he was in spotlight!  He jump starts to pour his heart out ... again ... He says things you've been waiting to hear during your days together ... And then just like in the movies, your heart melts ... rather it starts singing "Dilbara" in a dream sequence like Ali's in Dhoom ... from getting married and having kids to growing old together. But then your dream bubble bursts spilling his emotional vomit all over you and you realise that this Third man is either in one of "those" days or simply drunk! ;) He has done this before and he does it again. Many a times, you feel like giving it back just like Kareena does in Jab We Met ... right until "Tere Maa kiii ....." but being a mature individual you decide to just let him ramble on and forget it as soon as the dawn breaks. 

The third man is, obviously, the worst kind of Ex, anyone can have. And its not just for men, this is true in case of women as well. Playing an agony aunt for many of my friends and colleagues, I can easily say that men and women are no different than each other, they both fall in & out of love, go boo hoo - mad at the world... I'm sure you will all agree... after all we all have a heart that has loved and lost .... and found love again ... :)

P.S. Here is a song dedicated to all the Ex-es ... :) 

The Show Is Over Say Goodbye ... (Take A Bow - Madonna)

“19”

A Second Chance ...

Many of us while giving away what comes free … advice … say this “Life does not give you a second chance”. But we all secretly wish it does… for any reason … it could be for that most coveted job interview, for that one rock concert you wanted to attend but couldn’t, for that exam in which you fell short of writing that one answer, for the hurt you caused someone that you wish to heal, for pleading one more time to your parents to see things your way, for that incomplete relationship that you have forever longed to complete …

Many a times life does give you a second chance, but we are so blinded by our ego, our past, our image in the social circles that we turn a blind eye to every sign that says here’s your chance … make the most of it! Even if you want to contemplate that second chance you waste too much time dipping the scales that you either lose momentum or you conclude that it’s just not worth it!! But then again, how would you know if it is worth it or not if you don’t give it a shot? What’s the worst that could happen….? Your life would not change the way you expected … and that’s the fear we all live in. How easily we forget all the little risks that we take in our day to day lives … going to work in crowded trains and buses, investing our hard earned money by trusting a stranger from the bank to invest them properly, by quitting your job to pursue what you really think is your calling, from moving to different cities … isn’t life itself about these little risks we take?

When it comes to relationships it’s a funny game … many a times it’s from everyone involved and sometimes only a one sided affair. They say reel life imitates real life. Karan Johar’s movies especially talk of a lot of expression of love, forgiveness and togetherness. I wonder how these characters muster up the courage to speak, no wait, pour their hearts out to that person who means the world to them. I wonder if real life can ever imitate that! There must be few optimistic people, who do take that chance, I’m sure they do … and make the most of it! Even if it doesn’t work out they are content in knowing they gave it their best shot and smile …

This reminds me the movie, The Runaway Bride, where Ike (Richard Gere) knowing Maggie’s (Julia Roberts) history of being the runway bride proposes her. She eventually doesn’t treat him any different than the earlier grooms; however, once she realizes that he is the one for her she chooses those very words to take that second chance and says, “Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.” With a proposal like that, who would not want to give it a second thought?

Of all my favourite artists, I have always found Michael Jackson to be the one who knows best how to put his point across very well and here I am going to make you listen to his songs …. One More Chance …

This is what he sings ..

This time gonna do my best to make it right
Can't go on without you by my side
Hold on
Shelter come and rescue me out of this storm
And out of this cold I need someone
Oh why oh why why why
If you see her
tell her this from me
All I need is
One more chance at love

Give it a sincere listen and take that chance …. :) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQcfGWo3GSI&feature=player_embedded

Her First Valentines ... :)

It was just another January morning as she got down from the train at the station with her friends to go to college. After the regular See ya Laters” with her friends from other colleges she proceeded on to hers with her suburban friend. She was a crazy fan of pop-music and needless to add crazier for the King Of Pop. She even wore her MJ t-shirt to college. She knew people noticed her when she wore that t-shirt but little did she know that it would also become the reason she would meet her first love!


They had seen each other before but she never gave him a second look or a second thought because she knew he was out of her league… he was handsome! Nevertheless, on that January day she wore the same shirt and he noticed her… He followed her all the way till her college with one of his batch mates as they laughed and mocked at her MJ t-shirt. Unsure because of the traffic noise around, she sensed someone following her… she thought of him but she knew she wasn’t one of those good looking girls for a boy to chase. But as fate had thought it differently than her, she turned around to see him and was pleasantly surprised :)

This became sort of a routine since that day and she too would look around for him at the station, in the college, near his class, at the college hang-out… well, almost everywhere! She liked the attention that she received from the boy who she thought was the most handsome she’d seen. What added life to her dull existence was the fact that she was the focus of his attention despite all the other pretty girls in college who would do anything to hang around a senior! A couple of weeks passed this way until one day a sweet misunderstanding gave the boy the courage to approach her and ask her if they could be friends…

She hesitated a bit but inside her was something that also wanted to know more about this boy. The routine then changed to the stolen glances, sweet smiles and changing schedules… yes he did … he used to change his schedules just to match her class timings …

There was something familiar about him because she was herself surprised at the ease she felt with this stranger like she felt with no one before … not even with an acquaintance! Now she too felt like she was one of the pretty looking girls from her college who was worthy of a man’s love! The void left by her grandma’s death was easily filled with the boy’s attention and love… but being a typical Libran she started dipping her scales of ‘May-bes’ and ‘May-not-bes’ until one fine day just as unexpectedly, as he came in her life, he popped the question. She wanted to smile and say ‘Yes!’ but she held back because she didn’t want to take the plunge and change her plans … she just wasn’t ready! But that inner voice didn’t let her stay put and just a week before Valentines she knew she had met the boy she was going to marry someday … Her life was never the same again … :)

They later separated for the reasons known best to them but every Valentines Day she remembers what her first Valentine card said …

“Sometimes sentimental words are very hard to say…
And that’s why I appreciate occasions like today,
For it’s a chance to tell you, what you surely know is true …
That no one could love anyone more than I Love you!"

That's My Boy!

We met on a rainy August evening at a Coffee Day near my cousin’s house and I knew there was something about him that said he belonged to me. He was all by himself and so was I… lost in our own worlds. We both needed a companion, that strong love on which we can rely and those arms that we can break into every evening as we came home to each other. I guess those were the reasons we bonded instantly. Something in those eyes told me that this time its forever…

But as history repeats itself, this time too my parents weren’t too keen on this boy in my life and it tore my heart to think of letting him go and I stood by him. This time, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. .. And if I did... I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life. After heated debates and discussions, about our different lifestyles, tastes, and culture we decided to part ways and only visit each other on occasions. But destiny was in our favour this time around and we were back together, thanks to my brother! It was a pleasant surprise watching Swapnil bring him home for me … :)
Over the time my parents too have warmed up to him.

Although we meet each other on weekends, Swapnil and my handsome have bonded very well. They keep each other good company while I am away in Mumbai. He is an explorer like I was as a child. He loves curling up in my lap just like I used to in my Aaji’s (grandma) as a toddler.
It’s been 6 months now and each time we meet it’s like the first time.
Now, he’s sitting on the sofa watching me with those intense eyes that seem to say “have we met before” … Not his fault really as we are cities apart and I hardly spend time with him. And now as I sit down to write about him on my laptop he hovers around to sniff the fragrance that he can identify me with, after all he is named after my faourite perfume… He looks very handsome when he looks at me that way … and I can’t help falling for this handsome boy all over again :)
As he watches me I toss a ball at him, and he fetches the ball back to me as I call him out … Hugo!

That’s my handsome tomcat … Hugo! What were you thinking? :) 

30 something and a bride- to- be!

“What’s wrong with this one? If you keep rejecting men like this, you would never like anyone! Let me tell you frankly, if you are looking for Prince Charming, you are way past that age! Besides, do you want to get married or not?” That’s a typical statement that a 30 something woman hears after a prospective groom is given a thumbs down. My story is no different. But this is my effort to make all those parents understand that marriage is definitely on our bucket list and will not remain unchecked for longer :)

So here is what we really want…

What a 30 year old woman looks for in a partner is not Raj of DDLJ who sweeps her off her feet right under her Daddy’s nose OR a Richard Gere look alike (c’mon guys, I know he’s old but he IS …. HOT! So beat it!). We want someone who is an extension of us in every way… a partner more than a husband! Someone with whom you share your wildest, as well as the weakest moments; who is not too quick to judge but believes in observing before jumping to conclusions. Someone who is liberal yet celebrates traditional values equally. Someone who treats my family with equal love and respect as I would for his; who understands that although this is OUR life, wifey and hubby need to respect their personal spaces to pursue passions, to grow!

Life is on a faster track than it was ever before. We do not have time for ourselves, let alone for someone else… and that’s exactly why we are looking for a long term relationship, that we call marriage, which acts as our pit stop … to refresh and race ahead…

How can I marry someone who tells me to work for at least 10 years so he can pay off his home loan? Firstly, did you ask me before you bought that home or took the loan for it? Secondly, I cannot guarantee that cause when I become a mother; I want to nurture my baby.

How can I marry someone who expects me to participate in every ‘satsang’ and ‘poojas’ that his parents enthusiastically organize, when he himself scurries out of it? I cannot fathom the need to hail God for a thousand times when its easy to strike a personal conversation with him?

How can I marry someone who thinks my job sucks and I’m better at home instead? I’m sure he won’t appreciate my efforts at home too… Being a home maker is an unpaid, thankless and a full time job!

Dear Parents,

I know you mean well and want your daughter to be happy and find the right guy for her. But here is the problem… she isn’t 16 or 21… She’s 30! She’s now looking for a companion and not just a husband… Be assured, she will soon… She too wants to see happy tears roll down your cheek as you give her away … :)

Waiting For You ... Frog Prince :P

My Dear Future Husband,

I know we haven’t met… yet I am not going to start with the hi how are you… cause I know you are doing pretty well. So let me get straight down to the point!
It’s been a long time I have been waiting for you. Hoping you are right around the corner and would soon show up. Waking up everyday, thinking this could be the day, when the wait will finally be over, but then all my hopes of meeting you today sink with the setting sun. Yet I get up the next day hopelessly looking for you in every passing stranger..
Well, you know what… I am tired of doing all that now!
You are free to think that I am complaining but you have left me no choice! Are you even aware that I have been meeting so many toads hoping this one could be my Prince Charming?

I watch romantic movies and hope you too are as hopeless as I am, well not all that … but just enough to surprise me once in a while… and I don’t mean big surprises… It could simply be going for a ride early morning or very late in the night! All of my friends are married now, they all have babies… and I feel so out of place. Not that I don’t have single friends… I do! But wouldn’t it be nice to have each other instead? I am tired of  answering the same question… and it’s not just the aunties and uncles… but all and sundry… :(
Every time I watch Dirty Dancing or Shall We Dance, I actually dance around in the house posing but you are not the one leading me. My Salsa trainer screamed at me for not creating chemistry with him but I didn’t bother only because I was hoping you were on your way. I sing love songs but all solo, its time I graduate on to singing duets…
I look up at the star studded night sky for a shooting star… to wish for you sweetheart! I want to sit with you on one such winter night at a beach with bonfire to keep us warm… look up at those stars to thank them for falling every time I wanted to wish for you :)
This may sound to you like some crazily romantic living in her fantasy world, but isn’t life about those little moments … that first look when it clicks, that first touch which bonds us together forever, the stolen kisses, the arguments, running in each other’s arms, the endless differences that continue to irritate each other or simply finding someone waiting for you to come home every single day :)
I always think of the moment when we will meet… I will grab your collar, pull you closer and say… What took you so long?
But you’ve taken long enough … now you better have a good explanation for this!

P.S.: I love you and I couldn’t help making this public… I love PDA! :)
It’s all your fault! ;)

30 Going on 13!

19th October, 2010.

Now, I haven’t mistakenly reversed the numbers, I know the movie is 13 going on 30, but this isn’t about that. This isn’t even about something like the curious case of Benjamin Button … Its about my 30^th Birthday!

Oh yes, I turned 30 today. As a teenager, I saw this day as it was for most of the women in my family. I would either be at work or at home, where no one except my husband or kids would know about it. At night we would all enjoy a nice dinner at our favourite restaurant and the day would be over. Not that I don’t want this. In conclusion a few years ago, I had thought of it as a day with mature and subtle celebrations.

Let me tell you it wasn’t even close to those adjectives!

It was as if I was a teenager again. The calls and messages started beeping at the stroke of midnight and didn’t stop until 1:30 pm… well, you see, I am pretty famous :P

Sleeping late didn’t stop me from going for what I love to do the most early morning ride … Get out for a ride with my birthday buddy. We stopped at our regular tapri to have a cutting, took a walk. That’s how the day began…

In the office, I felt like I was back in school, all my colleagues came to my desk one by one to wish me. All of this added to the excitement & I felt like a 13 year old again. I was as happy as I was on my 13^th birthday… happy to be a teenager!

My colleagues surprised me with a present and a cake. I loved every moment of the celebrations where they all cheered and sang the birthday song as I cut the cake. Amidst all of this excitement, I could hardly focus on work & so I went chatting up with my friends online and with my colleagues. I was like a yuppie on a high dose. My colleague even remarked that there was something crazy about me!

Well, as I wrote on my Facebook, what’s the point in growing up if you cant be a kid for a day! And I did just that… went for a crazy ride (which my parents strongly disapprove of :P), cut the cake among a few friends & many strangers, didn’t work , didn’t let others work and came home like a good girl ;)

It did feel like a 13 year old and I did everything like one… well, maybe not all of it ;)

What did Bryan Adams say about being 18 till you die?

This one was one of the most memorable birthdays ever!

Ganpati Bappa Morya... Pudhcya Varshi....

I remember how eagerly I waited for this festival because it would not just mean a visit from my favourite deity but also being a little helper to my Narayan Kaka! Although my help back then would be restricted to staying up late in the night while my Kaka prepared the most beautiful ‘makhar’ year after year J

All the 9 days were filled with sheer joy and bliss. The joy of my ‘Hum Saath Saath Hain’ family union and the bliss of my personal conversations with my dearest Ganpati Bappa every second that I found him alone! Even as a child my conversations never included a wish list; it was either a simple hi or many a times, lots of questions, to which He promptly replied with a smile J

The 10^th day; however, was never so blissful, not because it was His time to return but because I would be scared… very scared! I was scared of hordes of His followers on the streets some dancing, some drunk and some screaming.

The Juhu Chaupati, which I loved to visit with my Mangal Aatya on any given day, would become a site to avoid. As a kid I would fear separating from my folks, and that fear would be evident in every kid at Juhu Chaupati that night. The fear of coming face to face with a malicious stranger kept the parents fiercely protective against every unknown smile.

The last day fiasco still haunts me. And with each passing year it gets scarier because it comes with a new problem …. And I have no solution but to ask Ganapti Bappa Himself to stay put in his heavenly abode.

Dearest Ganpati Bappa,

It was indeed pleasant to have you at our home this time around too, it was special because we decorated your ‘makhar’ J

The reason for writing this is a request … now don’t roll your elephant eyes thinking it’s a mannat; but seriously, do you mind skipping a visit or two, next year onwards because:

1. Although you are here with us, I do not feel your presence anymore. Not because I have grown up & question your existence but because I don’t hear you smile. My ears are too busy protecting themselves from the blasting songs such as ‘Munni Badnaam hui darling tere liye…’
2. All your followers pray to you and ask for forgiveness while conveniently ignoring the other lives they hurt unknowingly, I don’t question your justice but I don’t understand it
3. The kids love you dearly but many share my fear especially when these celebrations begin with loud and polluting firecrackers!
4. The animals all around, the stray and the pets are equally petrified and you see that fear in their eyes but then again it’s too noisy around for their soft voices to reach you and I am not saying this because I have pets!
5. Trust me, the elders ( grandparents/ senior citizens) too resent this fiasco
6. Lokmanya Tilak started ‘Sarvajanik Ganesh Utsav’ with a cause of bringing about an awakening but that very cause is lost!
7. The government has been trying to put a leash on the anti social activities/ elements that are rampant during such festivals, but the results are for all to see…

Lastly, I have been praying to you to bless these ‘Ganesh Mitra mandals’ with a little bit of wisdom and compassion, sorry to say, but I have seen only the reverse effects so far … and now… I am left with no choice but to say….Ganpati Bappa Moryaaaaa… Pudhcya Varshi Yeuch Naka!

P.S. Our culture vultures would probably raid my home if they read this blog!

Brida... (My version :P)

She meets him regularly knowing that he is trouble for her. He talks his heart out not understanding that it his heart talk sometimes hurts her.

She has always been this way … not just with him, with every person she has met in her 29 years’ journey, she isn’t naïve but she believes that no one should be alone, at least not when she can be there for him/her. This trait of wanting to play everyone’s guardian angel has only scarred her heart which she hides behind those songs of hope, smiles for her baby and the laughter with her friends. She wants to escape somewhere in the forest where she could be with the others like her… the animals as we call them. She wants to escape to the wilderness because she has always felt a certain safety in the wilderness than the concrete jungle could ever provide her. She wants to run away … but not to escape reality but to cry her heart out to the birds and trees, to the clouds who cry with her… and mostly to understand where did she go wrong? Why did she make those choices? Why did the mothers avert her … despite the fact that she genuinely loved them as much as she loved their son and all she wanted was to be accepted…?

She can very well kaput the friendship and be happy. She has done this before and she can do it again. But what she cannot stand is to see him alone…
She knows that he won’t be alone forever and that’s exactly why she prays that he finds someone like her. So he has someone who will be with him through his victories and defeats, trials and testimonials… She wants someone who sees him struggle and be proud of him… someone whose career profile compliments his and they are both proud of each other …someone who can let him fly away with his dreams assuring that she will take care of everything until he returns…Someone who wants to raise the family and keep them in tender loving care and support when he is away working hard to give them the life they deserve…and when the little ones are upset for daddy is always away she will gently make them realize how daddy is with us all the time and that every thing he does is for them… :)

She longed to be that woman… she will never be…
She knows that there are no miracles in life, no foretold destinies… just choices…
He has made his…. And so has she…

Thank You :)

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
Guide us through the starry night,
and wake us with the morning's light.
I ask not for myself alone,
but for thy children--every one.

Yes, we all are God’s children… and he has given all of us a guardian angel who watches over us. I have always wondered, the reason why a soul takes birth, it cannot be merely to go through the same routine? Why do some of us suffer all the time and the rest remain untouched by the smallest suffering in the world? Why do our loved ones part when we need them the most? Why do we worship idols when God is omnipresent? Do we need to hail God through mantras to secure a place in heaven? Who said that if the wife dies before the husband, she is pious? Is God so cheap to be tricked with a ‘mannat’?

You are free to criticise but my questions were answered by this wonderful book and I must thank the God for allowing his laws to be re-explained to us on Earth. Big thanks to God, to Ratoo, Vispi and their wonderful parents, Khurshed and Rumi Bhavnagri.

Although I have read only 1/10th of the book, it has answered many of such questions that continue to havoc my mind and thus my life. Today, I understand that there is no other objective or mission to our lives but to rise to a new spiritual maturity. This does not mean that one should give up on all the worldly comforts and ways of life. It only means that one should be true to themselves and to every creation of God. It’s as simple as analyzing the very statistical data at our office. Just take a look back at your life and analyze what you have done so far… have you harmed or hurt anyone? Have you cheated anyone? Have you misused anyone for your own selfish motives?

Being selfish is not a vice but being too selfless, definitely is! But you should understand how selfish or selfless you must be … and that’s why we are here…
Being pretentious is not cunning, but justifying it in a prayer is! Being judgmental isn’t unjust provided you judge yourself well…
Being hurt every time doesn’t make the world a devil’s lair but merely one’s immaturity to deal with situations and learning from them…

God has given us birth to mature our souls and rise to the higher realms. I don’t know how mature I am or will be in this life but I know that I have found answers and peace within… I no longer question God’s wisdom for I know that he brings me at a point where the road forks and that’s where I choose… I live …I learn.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
Thank you for another day,
A chance to learn, a chance to play
Amen

Kati Patang

Read on for those who are waiting for Kites…


Kites isn’t such a bad movie… it’s badly made by Papa Roshan for dearest Hrithik. After all which parent doesn’t want to show how handsome his/ her son is? But wait a minute, hasn’t he done that already in KNPH, Koi Mil Gaya, and Krish? Of course he has, but we didn’t know how s**y Hrithik could look as a latino… although he is an Indian in Vegas... How he gets there… go ask Papa Roshan.

Hrithik plays ‘J’ (yeah that’s the name of the character and not the ‘jealous’ factor). Supposedly a money lover and a part time dance coach, marries at least a dozen illegal immigrant women like Linda (Barbara Mori), only to earn quick money for himself and get them a green card! He does not realize he loves her until they meet at his girlfriend’s (Kangana) house. Here Linda is engaged to Kangana’s brother. The brother is a typical las vegas-casino-owner-big-daddy’s spoilt brat, who must have everything he sets his lusty eyes on! Lady Linda is no damsel in distress, she agrees to marry the brat so she could have enough money for her family back in Mexico.

This is when the money lovers understand money can’t buy you true love… and begins a long trail of the brat & Co., LVPD and Bounty Hunters following the star crossed lovers! After years watching Hollywood movies and presuming that Hollywood cops are better than Bollywood cops is trashed when we see the LVPD doing such a lousy job! Here is a wonderful dialogue by the brat’s unfaithful at-the-climax Jamaal: Money can buy you happiness, if you know where to shop! A very thoughtful dialogue. Applause!

Hrithik is a skilled dancer but Papa Roshan didn’t know where to zoom-in or zoom out, as a result, you end up irritated with bad camera angles, esp if you are a dance lover! MJ is an inspiration in the dance moves but there will be no man like MJ ever who also knew how to make the audience go wild.

Hrithik is undoubtedly looking like a mixed Indian Mexican offspring and Barbara is beautiful.

Kangana is wasted. She plays the same psycho as she has in her previous movies but this time she doesn’t have more than 4-5 mins of screen time! Thanks to Papa Roshan for sparing the audience from her scarier-than-evil crying.

Barbara is beautifully exotic and charms the audience with her Mexican Spanish dialogues, though we don’t understand, they sound sweet.

Kabir Bedi… the handsome old man too doesn’t have much to act in this. I would have preferred him chasing Hrithik than the spoilt brat who does a lousy job at acting!

At the end of the movie, you feel… mmm… a big nothing!

My verdict: What’s the point? You would go anyway… you will most certainly have a little crush on Hrithik or Barbara after watching this :)

Thinking aloud... Love

Love… it eludes you when you are neck deep in it and hovers around you when you want to shoo it away. There are instances in one’s life where one does not want love to be around, for reasons such as family responsibilities, education, career etc. Love is like a bad boy; it chases you until you give in and turns your world upside down. But then what a topsy turvy world it is! Its springtime all the time, at least at the outset :)then starts the fall and the winter crawls in, freezing your relationship. That’s how love has been with everyone around the world. Some of them make it through the winter; whereas, some wither away. Love is put to rest under the snowy cold exterior.

Knowing and experiencing all the seasons of love, I am not giving up on it. Since I have known Love, I have always had this unrelenting desire to find my soul mate. You may laugh at the thought that soul mates exist only in Paulo Coelho’s books but I think they do exist in real life too. You just have to search harder. The search is no walk in the park. There are dark alleys where you doubt if it leads to some place… any place! Then there are very well paved patches, which confuse you to think that you are a stone’s throw away from your destiny.

Just as things happen to you when you least expect it, it would happen to me too. And when it does I will know it. I may have made wrong choices, but those have made me the person that I am. All the mistakes that I have learnt from have only made me understand my soul mate better… yes, I know I will understand him better... Thanks to all those, I met en route.

Everything fades away...

The only relationship one should forever be in, is the one with yourself… everything else fades away…

The person, who meant the world to someone, becomes a part of that virtual world that will never exist! Everything said and done becomes a part of that history which will never be written. The name that lit up someone’s face, the smile and laughter that brought happiness, the touch that comforted, the shoulder that unburdened all the worries, the words that guided, the look which was longed for every time the eyes met, the noisy silences,  … is all swept away in the tsunami of differences/ circumstances, which can never be put to rest. All that remains is debris of a broken heart…

Be it between friends, lovers, siblings, etc. there comes a time when we need to continue our journey alone. Fellow travelers will most certainly be around, but we must not attach ourselves with them. Belonging to someone and yet remaining detached, is the life-skill one must learn if not owned. Some learn it by looking at others and some learn it the hard way.

It’s difficult to stay humble and hopeful after the tidal waves have retreated, but its not impossible. The fear always remains, but as they say, life goes on…

Expectations management!

So what are your expectations? That’s a very typical question every guy, I mean a prospective groom, asks me. It’s one of the toughest questions and trust me, I am still trying to figure out a perfect answer. When it comes to arranged marriage, it’s just like striking a business deal or an interview. My parents match the horoscopes, and the profiles. If everything fits then the boy and I meet. I find myself in a very awkward situation when he asks me that question.

 Most of the time, I find my way out of this by counter questioning. I ask him if he could specify what he means by expectations. To which most of them are interested in knowing whether I cook, do I have a career plan in place, do I have any liabilities, how much do I draw, am I religious, would I help his Ma in the kitchen, etc. These things have always made me feel like I have come for a job interview for ‘Mother’s helper’ position! I haven’t ever met a man who asked me about what do I expect from ‘us’ or ‘our life together’. If our parents look for the matching profiles and horoscopes, why can’t we focus on our lives? Our views, our passions, our life together…

 It puts me off when we start discussing careers… why cant he ask me what time do I come home from work because he would like me to be home before he does just to open the door for him. Why can’t he ask whether I have thought about taking a break when our child is born because he/ she will need one of us and that he would gladly be the provider for the family while I nurture it? Why cant he asks me about my passions and share his too, because he does not want to be in the 9 to 5, or 6 now, kind of job and wants to pursue his passions for which he must know how much would I support in pursuing them. Why can’t he ask me about my family and relatives because he wants to know whether I will be accommodating towards his and because our kids must have the grand parents around just as we had? Why can’t he ask me about my friends and tell me about his because he wants to know me better and thinks that eventually we must become each other’s best friends. Why can’t he ask me about my life until then because he understands that just as you are what you eat, your journey teaches you and makes you the person you have become?

 I haven’t found a single person who wants to find a partner, a friend or a companion for life… they all seem to be looking for their mother’s helpers… and that makes me look at them in their muddy shorts which their Mummys lovingly clean up!

 Hmmm… (sigh)…. Where have all the men gone :P

'Sicksth' Sense :P

I see dead people ….naah … not really… but what I mean is, I really do have a sixth sense! And it has forever been by my side … it actually warns me, but just like every brat doesn’t listen to its mother’s warnings, I don’t follow them! I wonder whether I shall call it the sixth sense or the ‘sick’ sense, coz many a times it gives me a sick feeling when something is going to happen… It’s a funny feeling… as if someone is churning all the digestive acids in my stomach and these may just erupt like a volcano! Now don’t ask me which ‘vent’ it prefers :P .... and that explains the spelling in the title.

I guess everyone has this intuition thing but the intensity varies. Now the sixth sense, according to me is a part of your conscience, and as they (whoever ‘they’ are!) say, your conscience is awake even when you are sleeping. So as I sneak into my bed, my 6th sense begins to dream wild (now don’t click on your corrupt files :P). It dreams of people I most dislike and it shows them doing things (no, not those things!) I am least concerned or connected with, I mean, the other day I dreamt of my boss arguing with his wife over the phone… and what are the chances that he was actually fighting with her standing right behind me! The 6th sense doesn’t stop here, it warns me in weird ways, it shows me worldly happenings in my dreams. Trust me, if I were to write them down in a book, it would be the next best seller after Prophecies of Nostradamus! Every Astrologer, I have met so far, (and yes there are many, thanks to my over-the-‘age’-single status) has told me that I must listen to my intuitions if I want to be happy!
Now if I take their advice seriously, I should actually forget changing my status from single to ‘double’ (not in terms of weight… that I am already :P) Coz my silly ‘sick’ sense has never ever dreamt about that ‘andekha anjana’… So I can never really sing ‘Mere Khwabon mein jo aaye’ like Kajol did in DDLJ!
But when I look back, it has in fact danced around with a ‘WARNING’ board in its hands every time it knew something or someone was wrong for me but I shoo it away … The next time it dances around… I will dance with it :)
Thank you Almight 1.. that’s a precious gift!
P.S. I do see dead people .... in my dreams... :P

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

My last post triggered an email trail among my friends. Each one of them discussing how one should move on … They all had their own perspectives, some naïve, some experienced, some sweet, and some bitter. Although we had different takes on breaking the habit, but we all shared a common thing and that was to help each other move ahead… look at the greener side and be merry.

We pulled each other’s legs, we passed sarcastic comments, we pacified each other, blamed ourselves and even scolded each other (yup, all of this happened over the same email trail! Talk of multi-tasking in office! :P) That’s what friends do. No matter how busy each of them is, they are always there. To argue, to support, to kick your butt when you throw attitude, to rechristen you with adjectives when you do not return their call, to demand your time and invade your personal space without being apologetic and above all love and accept you the way you are …
That is what friends do and that is why no matter how annoying they may get at times, no matter how bitterly they may fight, they stick with you through thick and thin.
I am blessed to have you all by my side in every step of my life… Meghna (Minu), Deven (Nanu), Swapnil (Sopya), Himali (Princess), Shobha (hmm … Need to have a name for you…), Mangesh (Mangya), and Santa (Santosh)… Please don’t expect me to thank you all … the feeling and the ‘pakau’ stuff we shared is all mutual :P Peace guys 
And yeah, remember what Bollywood says, Friendship mein no thank you no sorry :P