He came to see me off this time again just as he did last
time. Same purpose, same time, same station … but something had changed for
good … we were married now … J
I always remind myself how stupid it would have been had I
decided to remain single. I would have missed something so solid, so dependable
and a world brimming full of love and trust that I have never experienced
before. It is great to be married.
So this is a note to some of those like me going through the
mundane routine of finding their Prince Charming. Yes, being a woman’s blog,
the thoughts and experiences will obviously be woman centered … any man reading
this is welcome to share their views in the comments section J
Recently I had an opportunity to look at the match making
routine from a 3rd person’s perspective and I realized how biased we
can be. Biased towards everything we come across in a Man’s “Biodata”. Now Fonow
woman defer your judgment until I complete. I know the men do that too but we
don’t discount them either.
The first and
foremost thing you see is his looks.” Oh my god he is so gora (fair complexion)
… I’m sure he must want a gori … “OR “Look at him, he is no fair and handsome
but he wants a fair complexioned woman … I’m sure he wants fair kids … I hope
they look straight out of UCB ads ... (Giggle)” “Hehehe look at him … a wannabe model ...”
Second place come his qualifications, if he is well
qualified, he is either a bookworm, a workaholic or simply BORING. If he is a
graduate, he is just a graduate! So below your standards!
Third would be his
salary, if it’s higher than us, it’s desirable. The story doesn’t end here,
dare he mention the expected salary of his would be bride, He is either cheap
or a dowry seeker or looking for a golden egg laying hen! If it’s lesser, he
isn’t one of those performing employees! Then comes family background, likes
and dislikes expectations from the marriage, etc. etc. The list is endless and
yes it’s also subjective to every bride to be … J
Honestly, I have done that too, sometimes as a defense
mechanism and sometimes out of sheer disinterest. Well, who is to blame either the boy or the
girl because we have grown up looking at everything so objectively, that we
forget to notice we are not a Company’s shares and hence there is more to every
boy and every girl … more than just a face value.
When I met my husband for the first time at that Café, I too
went with preconceived notions as you all do today. Hence expected to spend no more than 30
minutes, and then just as absorbed I was in my own world, unknowingly in the
next 90 minutes we became a part of each other’s world … Something clicked! Yes
it did! We clicked! J
No matter what they tell you
it happens. Your parents may try to talk you out of it but it does … that click
… J When you are least
expecting it. This may sound totally filmy to you but take a good look at your
life and you will realize that all those good things that have happened to you
were never planned... they just happened to you when you least expected J
Credit your parents for
putting you on to such a dating spree that helps you meet all the wrong ones
before Mr. Right comes along. Look at every boy you meet like a new book you
are browsing through… you never know... that book could just be for you to keep
… J
Here
is a scene from my all-time favorite movie, Hitch... No matter where, no matter when, no matter
who ... Every guy has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet ... just needs
the right broom ;)
Sonali,
ReplyDeleteyou know i am in the very middle of doing this exact thing and yes I do judge and screen a guy's profile based on its face value and yes, i do feel terrible when a guy does that to me. I know double standards but somehow arranged marriage does feel like a business contract where you want to cross check all your clauses before you venture in it instead of launching yourself head on and then wondering about whether you got a raw deal. Business means thinking about profits and if that sounds too terrible and cynical then lets call it meeting your requirements in terms of expectation from opposite party. and like you said, it is a defense mechanism. I would be perfectly fine if my husband earns lesser than i do provided he is doing something that he loves, something he is passionate about but what is the guarantee that he himself, after a few years would feel his male ego bruised and then take that frustration out on me?! I see a lot of married men around that feel threatened by their wive's intellect, creativity or beauty. There is a hidden competitiveness, an immediate need of one up manship. when you decide to therefore marry a guy who would never get a chance to tap this ugly side of his since he is on a equal if not better footing as his wife, its a way of protecting yourself from the hurt. its a simple manner of not wanting to test the poison. I know i am once again putting the blame on guys, I sincerely feel a woman is not really looking at money as the deciding factor. she longs for love, kindness and friendship but in the practical sense, these qualities fall behind. I am trying to not have those double standards i spoke about in the beginning, lets see if i can manage to do that :)
Sweetheart, first of all the number of women looking for love, kindness and friendship is a handful, which is also the reason why these women have no answer when it comes to writing their expectations in that matrimonial form, I am sure you too faced this issue. I too was clueless when I was asked what my expectations were. In fact, when guys would ask me this, I didnt know how to express. I have never felt short of words. Even if I did, the guys expressions would make me feel outlandish!
DeleteDarling, we all have become so materialistic that we have forgotten the very essence and purpose to get married. Dont mind when I say we because we too are a part of that very society. As far as the one up-manship goes it can spring up because of any reason. Its okay to be competitive, but the problem sprouts when you do not know to where the boardroom ends and the bedroom starts.
And for you ... you will do just fine ... hang in there buddy .. some more time :)
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ReplyDeleteVery Nice...everyone goes thru this crucial phase of life:)..The above post reminds me recent marathi serial "Eka lagnachi dusari Gostha"
ReplyDeleteThanks Rajani :)
DeleteYou bet everyone does, a man as well as a woman .. and yes I have been through that phase too and so glad that its finally over :)