Dear Bride-to-be

He came to see me off this time again just as he did last time. Same purpose, same time, same station … but something had changed for good … we were married now … J

I always remind myself how stupid it would have been had I decided to remain single. I would have missed something so solid, so dependable and a world brimming full of love and trust that I have never experienced before.  It is great to be married.

So this is a note to some of those like me going through the mundane routine of finding their Prince Charming. Yes, being a woman’s blog, the thoughts and experiences will obviously be woman centered … any man reading this is welcome to share their views in the comments section J

Recently I had an opportunity to look at the match making routine from a 3^rd person’s perspective and I realized how biased we can be. Biased towards everything we come across in a Man’s “Biodata”. Now Fonow woman defer your judgment until I complete. I know the men do that too but we don’t discount them either.

 The first and foremost thing you see is his looks.” Oh my god he is so gora (fair complexion) … I’m sure he must want a gori … “OR “Look at him, he is no fair and handsome but he wants a fair complexioned woman … I’m sure he wants fair kids … I hope they look straight out of UCB ads  ... (Giggle)”  “Hehehe look at him … a wannabe model ...”

Second place come his qualifications, if he is well qualified, he is either a bookworm, a workaholic or simply BORING. If he is a graduate, he is just a graduate! So below your standards!

Third would be his salary, if it’s higher than us, it’s desirable. The story doesn’t end here, dare he mention the expected salary of his would be bride, He is either cheap or a dowry seeker or looking for a golden egg laying hen! If it’s lesser, he isn’t one of those performing employees! Then comes family background, likes and dislikes expectations from the marriage, etc. etc. The list is endless and yes it’s also subjective to every bride to be … J

Honestly, I have done that too, sometimes as a defense mechanism and sometimes out of sheer disinterest.  Well, who is to blame either the boy or the girl because we have grown up looking at everything so objectively, that we forget to notice we are not a Company’s shares and hence there is more to every boy and every girl … more than just a face value.

When I met my husband for the first time at that Café, I too went with preconceived notions as you all do today.  Hence expected to spend no more than 30 minutes, and then just as absorbed I was in my own world, unknowingly in the next 90 minutes we became a part of each other’s world … Something clicked! Yes it did! We clicked! J

No matter what they tell you it happens. Your parents may try to talk you out of it but it does … that click … J When you are least expecting it. This may sound totally filmy to you but take a good look at your life and you will realize that all those good things that have happened to you were never planned... they just happened to you when you least expected J

Credit your parents for putting you on to such a dating spree that helps you meet all the wrong ones before Mr. Right comes along. Look at every boy you meet like a new book you are browsing through… you never know... that book could just be for you to keep … J

Here is a scene from my all-time favorite movie, Hitch... No matter where, no matter when, no matter who ... Every guy has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet ... just needs the right broom ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzixdS-qWn8

 

 

Mala Sasu Havi (I want a Mother in-law - Literal translation)

No no ... This isn’t about that Marathi serial on TV nor is it a demand or a request for proposals ... It’s about a family member I miss the most … My Mother In-law :)


As I was about to get married many of my friends told me I was lucky to not have one ... I wasn’t sure whether to rejoice or lament … I chose the third option … ignore ;)

I definitely don’t mean to demean or mock them, for I have heard all of their experiences … good, bad and ugly … But after a year and a month into my marriage I have started to miss the relationship that I have the misfortune of never experiencing. Well, here I am, the only woman in my family surrounded by the best men … my loving and ever- patient husband and an extremely supporting and jovial father in-law ... and of course my pets too … (yeah they too are men ;)) Simba and Shalom … But I still miss her and wonder how it would be, had she been with us today …

Would we be friendly with each other … and joke and laugh about little things? Share recipes, learning new techniques, go shopping and gossip over a cup of coffee? OR would there be a clash of titans just like the Saas – bahu sagas on T.V.? What I regret the most is I would never be able to hear the stories that only a mother can share about her son … I would never know how Chinmay was as a baby … would he keep her up, what were his favourite stories, did she sing him a lullaby, which one was it, what made him smile or cry as a baby, how was his first day at school, his awkward years what fascinated or repelled him … what made him the man he is today … Of course Chinmay does share a lot of his stories with me but there always are certain stories that only a mother would remember and can share with her Daughter in-law …

I know she loved animals as much as I do and had a large circle of friends with whom she would go for movies at times; would she introduce me to her circle of friends and include me in their movie outings? I know she was an excellent cook; would she share her secret recipes? I also know she was a strong woman who wouldn’t take no for an answer … she was a fighter …. Would she support and stand by me in the decisions I take as a woman …Well, I will never know …

All that talk of equality and being friends with your husband is ok, but a woman can definitely understand a woman better … Just as they say that the worst enemy of a woman is a woman herself, so is she your confidante… when you are new to the house, her presence makes you comfortable, she is the link between you and the other relatives. She introduces you to the family traditions than some close Aunty informing (read: lecturing) those when you already have committed a blunder! She helps you drape the sari perfectly so you can look your best for whatever the occasion and she doesn’t boast about it. Every time she looks at you she reminds herself of how she was as a new bride and does everything to put you at ease. And of course, she also comforts you in “those days” … :)

She can actually see a lot of things that the men in the house tend to overlook … I have seen a lot of mother in laws and I hoped to have one … rather the thought that I don’t want one or didn’t want one or shouldn’t have one never crossed my mind… every time I pictured my life after marriage, I would have the whole bunch next to me, just like the Hum Saath Saath Hain type of movies. I have seen my grandmothers, my mother & aunt in the role of a mother in law and I have always wanted to have one. She is a staunch support because she sees things from a woman’s perspective. Some of you may differ saying there is always a comparison of “during their times” and these days, they may crib and complaint but they take everything in their stride. What wrong is it if the mother in law expects the house or the kitchen to run in a certain way? She has lived her life there, can we as “new entrants” first understand their ways, see if it matches ours and if it doesn’t suit ours speak to her just as we speak to our Ma …

Dear Daughters in law,

She is after all your husband’s mother; she has trusted you with her son. Trust her and see how beautiful the relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law can become.

Can you not trust & open up? Think about it woman … and Thank God if you have one …. I miss mine :)