30 Going on 13!

19th October, 2010.

Now, I haven’t mistakenly reversed the numbers, I know the movie is 13 going on 30, but this isn’t about that. This isn’t even about something like the curious case of Benjamin Button … Its about my 30^th Birthday!

Oh yes, I turned 30 today. As a teenager, I saw this day as it was for most of the women in my family. I would either be at work or at home, where no one except my husband or kids would know about it. At night we would all enjoy a nice dinner at our favourite restaurant and the day would be over. Not that I don’t want this. In conclusion a few years ago, I had thought of it as a day with mature and subtle celebrations.

Let me tell you it wasn’t even close to those adjectives!

It was as if I was a teenager again. The calls and messages started beeping at the stroke of midnight and didn’t stop until 1:30 pm… well, you see, I am pretty famous :P

Sleeping late didn’t stop me from going for what I love to do the most early morning ride … Get out for a ride with my birthday buddy. We stopped at our regular tapri to have a cutting, took a walk. That’s how the day began…

In the office, I felt like I was back in school, all my colleagues came to my desk one by one to wish me. All of this added to the excitement & I felt like a 13 year old again. I was as happy as I was on my 13^th birthday… happy to be a teenager!

My colleagues surprised me with a present and a cake. I loved every moment of the celebrations where they all cheered and sang the birthday song as I cut the cake. Amidst all of this excitement, I could hardly focus on work & so I went chatting up with my friends online and with my colleagues. I was like a yuppie on a high dose. My colleague even remarked that there was something crazy about me!

Well, as I wrote on my Facebook, what’s the point in growing up if you cant be a kid for a day! And I did just that… went for a crazy ride (which my parents strongly disapprove of :P), cut the cake among a few friends & many strangers, didn’t work , didn’t let others work and came home like a good girl ;)

It did feel like a 13 year old and I did everything like one… well, maybe not all of it ;)

What did Bryan Adams say about being 18 till you die?

This one was one of the most memorable birthdays ever!

Ganpati Bappa Morya... Pudhcya Varshi....

I remember how eagerly I waited for this festival because it would not just mean a visit from my favourite deity but also being a little helper to my Narayan Kaka! Although my help back then would be restricted to staying up late in the night while my Kaka prepared the most beautiful ‘makhar’ year after year J

All the 9 days were filled with sheer joy and bliss. The joy of my ‘Hum Saath Saath Hain’ family union and the bliss of my personal conversations with my dearest Ganpati Bappa every second that I found him alone! Even as a child my conversations never included a wish list; it was either a simple hi or many a times, lots of questions, to which He promptly replied with a smile J

The 10^th day; however, was never so blissful, not because it was His time to return but because I would be scared… very scared! I was scared of hordes of His followers on the streets some dancing, some drunk and some screaming.

The Juhu Chaupati, which I loved to visit with my Mangal Aatya on any given day, would become a site to avoid. As a kid I would fear separating from my folks, and that fear would be evident in every kid at Juhu Chaupati that night. The fear of coming face to face with a malicious stranger kept the parents fiercely protective against every unknown smile.

The last day fiasco still haunts me. And with each passing year it gets scarier because it comes with a new problem …. And I have no solution but to ask Ganapti Bappa Himself to stay put in his heavenly abode.

Dearest Ganpati Bappa,

It was indeed pleasant to have you at our home this time around too, it was special because we decorated your ‘makhar’ J

The reason for writing this is a request … now don’t roll your elephant eyes thinking it’s a mannat; but seriously, do you mind skipping a visit or two, next year onwards because:

1. Although you are here with us, I do not feel your presence anymore. Not because I have grown up & question your existence but because I don’t hear you smile. My ears are too busy protecting themselves from the blasting songs such as ‘Munni Badnaam hui darling tere liye…’
2. All your followers pray to you and ask for forgiveness while conveniently ignoring the other lives they hurt unknowingly, I don’t question your justice but I don’t understand it
3. The kids love you dearly but many share my fear especially when these celebrations begin with loud and polluting firecrackers!
4. The animals all around, the stray and the pets are equally petrified and you see that fear in their eyes but then again it’s too noisy around for their soft voices to reach you and I am not saying this because I have pets!
5. Trust me, the elders ( grandparents/ senior citizens) too resent this fiasco
6. Lokmanya Tilak started ‘Sarvajanik Ganesh Utsav’ with a cause of bringing about an awakening but that very cause is lost!
7. The government has been trying to put a leash on the anti social activities/ elements that are rampant during such festivals, but the results are for all to see…

Lastly, I have been praying to you to bless these ‘Ganesh Mitra mandals’ with a little bit of wisdom and compassion, sorry to say, but I have seen only the reverse effects so far … and now… I am left with no choice but to say….Ganpati Bappa Moryaaaaa… Pudhcya Varshi Yeuch Naka!

P.S. Our culture vultures would probably raid my home if they read this blog!

Brida... (My version :P)

She meets him regularly knowing that he is trouble for her. He talks his heart out not understanding that it his heart talk sometimes hurts her.

She has always been this way … not just with him, with every person she has met in her 29 years’ journey, she isn’t naïve but she believes that no one should be alone, at least not when she can be there for him/her. This trait of wanting to play everyone’s guardian angel has only scarred her heart which she hides behind those songs of hope, smiles for her baby and the laughter with her friends. She wants to escape somewhere in the forest where she could be with the others like her… the animals as we call them. She wants to escape to the wilderness because she has always felt a certain safety in the wilderness than the concrete jungle could ever provide her. She wants to run away … but not to escape reality but to cry her heart out to the birds and trees, to the clouds who cry with her… and mostly to understand where did she go wrong? Why did she make those choices? Why did the mothers avert her … despite the fact that she genuinely loved them as much as she loved their son and all she wanted was to be accepted…?

She can very well kaput the friendship and be happy. She has done this before and she can do it again. But what she cannot stand is to see him alone…
She knows that he won’t be alone forever and that’s exactly why she prays that he finds someone like her. So he has someone who will be with him through his victories and defeats, trials and testimonials… She wants someone who sees him struggle and be proud of him… someone whose career profile compliments his and they are both proud of each other …someone who can let him fly away with his dreams assuring that she will take care of everything until he returns…Someone who wants to raise the family and keep them in tender loving care and support when he is away working hard to give them the life they deserve…and when the little ones are upset for daddy is always away she will gently make them realize how daddy is with us all the time and that every thing he does is for them… :)

She longed to be that woman… she will never be…
She knows that there are no miracles in life, no foretold destinies… just choices…
He has made his…. And so has she…

Thank You :)

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
Guide us through the starry night,
and wake us with the morning's light.
I ask not for myself alone,
but for thy children--every one.

Yes, we all are God’s children… and he has given all of us a guardian angel who watches over us. I have always wondered, the reason why a soul takes birth, it cannot be merely to go through the same routine? Why do some of us suffer all the time and the rest remain untouched by the smallest suffering in the world? Why do our loved ones part when we need them the most? Why do we worship idols when God is omnipresent? Do we need to hail God through mantras to secure a place in heaven? Who said that if the wife dies before the husband, she is pious? Is God so cheap to be tricked with a ‘mannat’?

You are free to criticise but my questions were answered by this wonderful book and I must thank the God for allowing his laws to be re-explained to us on Earth. Big thanks to God, to Ratoo, Vispi and their wonderful parents, Khurshed and Rumi Bhavnagri.

Although I have read only 1/10th of the book, it has answered many of such questions that continue to havoc my mind and thus my life. Today, I understand that there is no other objective or mission to our lives but to rise to a new spiritual maturity. This does not mean that one should give up on all the worldly comforts and ways of life. It only means that one should be true to themselves and to every creation of God. It’s as simple as analyzing the very statistical data at our office. Just take a look back at your life and analyze what you have done so far… have you harmed or hurt anyone? Have you cheated anyone? Have you misused anyone for your own selfish motives?

Being selfish is not a vice but being too selfless, definitely is! But you should understand how selfish or selfless you must be … and that’s why we are here…
Being pretentious is not cunning, but justifying it in a prayer is! Being judgmental isn’t unjust provided you judge yourself well…
Being hurt every time doesn’t make the world a devil’s lair but merely one’s immaturity to deal with situations and learning from them…

God has given us birth to mature our souls and rise to the higher realms. I don’t know how mature I am or will be in this life but I know that I have found answers and peace within… I no longer question God’s wisdom for I know that he brings me at a point where the road forks and that’s where I choose… I live …I learn.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
Thank you for another day,
A chance to learn, a chance to play
Amen

Kati Patang

Read on for those who are waiting for Kites…


Kites isn’t such a bad movie… it’s badly made by Papa Roshan for dearest Hrithik. After all which parent doesn’t want to show how handsome his/ her son is? But wait a minute, hasn’t he done that already in KNPH, Koi Mil Gaya, and Krish? Of course he has, but we didn’t know how s**y Hrithik could look as a latino… although he is an Indian in Vegas... How he gets there… go ask Papa Roshan.

Hrithik plays ‘J’ (yeah that’s the name of the character and not the ‘jealous’ factor). Supposedly a money lover and a part time dance coach, marries at least a dozen illegal immigrant women like Linda (Barbara Mori), only to earn quick money for himself and get them a green card! He does not realize he loves her until they meet at his girlfriend’s (Kangana) house. Here Linda is engaged to Kangana’s brother. The brother is a typical las vegas-casino-owner-big-daddy’s spoilt brat, who must have everything he sets his lusty eyes on! Lady Linda is no damsel in distress, she agrees to marry the brat so she could have enough money for her family back in Mexico.

This is when the money lovers understand money can’t buy you true love… and begins a long trail of the brat & Co., LVPD and Bounty Hunters following the star crossed lovers! After years watching Hollywood movies and presuming that Hollywood cops are better than Bollywood cops is trashed when we see the LVPD doing such a lousy job! Here is a wonderful dialogue by the brat’s unfaithful at-the-climax Jamaal: Money can buy you happiness, if you know where to shop! A very thoughtful dialogue. Applause!

Hrithik is a skilled dancer but Papa Roshan didn’t know where to zoom-in or zoom out, as a result, you end up irritated with bad camera angles, esp if you are a dance lover! MJ is an inspiration in the dance moves but there will be no man like MJ ever who also knew how to make the audience go wild.

Hrithik is undoubtedly looking like a mixed Indian Mexican offspring and Barbara is beautiful.

Kangana is wasted. She plays the same psycho as she has in her previous movies but this time she doesn’t have more than 4-5 mins of screen time! Thanks to Papa Roshan for sparing the audience from her scarier-than-evil crying.

Barbara is beautifully exotic and charms the audience with her Mexican Spanish dialogues, though we don’t understand, they sound sweet.

Kabir Bedi… the handsome old man too doesn’t have much to act in this. I would have preferred him chasing Hrithik than the spoilt brat who does a lousy job at acting!

At the end of the movie, you feel… mmm… a big nothing!

My verdict: What’s the point? You would go anyway… you will most certainly have a little crush on Hrithik or Barbara after watching this :)

Thinking aloud... Love

Love… it eludes you when you are neck deep in it and hovers around you when you want to shoo it away. There are instances in one’s life where one does not want love to be around, for reasons such as family responsibilities, education, career etc. Love is like a bad boy; it chases you until you give in and turns your world upside down. But then what a topsy turvy world it is! Its springtime all the time, at least at the outset :)then starts the fall and the winter crawls in, freezing your relationship. That’s how love has been with everyone around the world. Some of them make it through the winter; whereas, some wither away. Love is put to rest under the snowy cold exterior.

Knowing and experiencing all the seasons of love, I am not giving up on it. Since I have known Love, I have always had this unrelenting desire to find my soul mate. You may laugh at the thought that soul mates exist only in Paulo Coelho’s books but I think they do exist in real life too. You just have to search harder. The search is no walk in the park. There are dark alleys where you doubt if it leads to some place… any place! Then there are very well paved patches, which confuse you to think that you are a stone’s throw away from your destiny.

Just as things happen to you when you least expect it, it would happen to me too. And when it does I will know it. I may have made wrong choices, but those have made me the person that I am. All the mistakes that I have learnt from have only made me understand my soul mate better… yes, I know I will understand him better... Thanks to all those, I met en route.

Everything fades away...

The only relationship one should forever be in, is the one with yourself… everything else fades away…

The person, who meant the world to someone, becomes a part of that virtual world that will never exist! Everything said and done becomes a part of that history which will never be written. The name that lit up someone’s face, the smile and laughter that brought happiness, the touch that comforted, the shoulder that unburdened all the worries, the words that guided, the look which was longed for every time the eyes met, the noisy silences,  … is all swept away in the tsunami of differences/ circumstances, which can never be put to rest. All that remains is debris of a broken heart…

Be it between friends, lovers, siblings, etc. there comes a time when we need to continue our journey alone. Fellow travelers will most certainly be around, but we must not attach ourselves with them. Belonging to someone and yet remaining detached, is the life-skill one must learn if not owned. Some learn it by looking at others and some learn it the hard way.

It’s difficult to stay humble and hopeful after the tidal waves have retreated, but its not impossible. The fear always remains, but as they say, life goes on…